September 2010
The years fly by so quickly it seems, and it's already been over a year since I wrote last. WOW! I'm also unfortunately getting older along with the times, so maybe I'm just looking at things differently, or as some will say.....I've just gained a LOT of PRACTICE! :-)
I think back on all the years I had to fight for my rights, for my disability and for my place in society. Ah, that last one surely seems unimportant for most "normies", but for someone who had their life completely pulled out from under them, that's a big deal.
A Bi'er has gone from one day being what we call "normal" to a completely different state of mind with physical and mental deficits and changes that we don't understand, or would even have imagined days before.
Just think of not having a worry in the world, then replace that feeling with a change as simple as having to learn how to speak, without fumbling for the right word or right thought or even being able to pronounce it correctly. Did you suddenly have an anxiety attack? That's just one simple function that the human brain is able to do....now add multiple problems on top of that and you've got the start of a Bi'ers worst fears.
The sudden plunge into a world of self doubt can add more anxiety and frustration to a BI'ers life than you could ever imagine. I can't remember how many times I would say something, then think to myself, "Did I actually SAY that out loud, or did I just THINK it?" It happens to us all, and it's only just one of the symptoms we have after a BI.
When I look at the ups and downs and sharp turns I've gone through since my BI almost 13 years ago, I many times have to stop and think, "Wow, I really have come a long way," but it still hasn't gotten me back to work or even back into society like I used to function.
That would be a wish that I would enjoy having, but that wish isn't going to happen no matter how much I wish for it. The only thing that will get me back into society the way I used to function would be to go back to before my wreck. So, what does that leave for me? Oh the possibilities are still endless, it's just a matter of time, patience, practice and possibly talking to the right person at the right time.
There ARE always possibilities, so never give up on yourself. Things happen for a reason, and I've never doubted that. What I've done with that bag of "lemons" is another story! (yes, I'm smiling here!)
I still believe that the "therapy" we are given (or not) early in our recovery can change many things in our total recovery. Maybe it's just as simple as the "attitude" that we have toward recovery, or maybe it's as indepth as the "knowledge" that we find in our first doctors, I'm not sure. I am sure that having a doctor who actually KNOWS about brain injury would be the ultimate wish that I could want if I looked back on things.
So, what do we do with our lives? We continue to spread the word to others, to our doctors, to our therapists, to our friends and family. Just when you think you've heard it all or done it all, another idea pops through your head, or someone you talk to gives you another idea to try.
It's never a dull moment once you've had a BI, so don't get too rested 'cuz just when you do, you'll find that the road turned again and you've got another hill to climb!
Keeping yourself open to that possibility will help you continue that climb, and allow you to learn along the way. Keeping your "attitude" positive will help you too, and although you may not see it now, it will come through time, through practice and through sheer will to go on.
I hope you can continue to move forward in your climb, and when you begin to see that tiny light at the end of the tunnel, push on my friend 'cuz there are many more climbs ahead of you, and you can pass that knowledge you've learned to the next BI'er you run into.
Enjoy the climb and don't forget to BREATHE!
~ barbara jean ~